Podium style

You’ve just ridden your heart out over 3000km to stand atop the podium wearing the maillot jaune and helped to realise the dreams of British cycling fans (note this is different to British Cycling fans). You’ve done all that, what is the first thing you say to the massed crowds on the Champs Elysee? Obviously you need to crack a few gags. I’m not sure how French TV subtitlers coped with Wiggins’s opener “and now we’re going to draw the raffle prizes” but it was certainly unexpected. At the end he faced the Brits and said “don’t drink too much and have a safe journey home”. I half hoped he’d say “…and would the owner of the blue Ford Escort parked in front of the fire exit, please move their vehicle”. If he ever decides to give up the cycling lark, then there’s a career change to become a northern club compere.

Speaking of nightclubs, Bernard “the enforcer” Hinault did another good day’s work keeping the podium clear of riff raff. He’s got some form here, clearing the podium of in intruder in 2009. Even in his racing days he wasn’t afraid to mix it up with some awkward punters. This is a man so hard he can lead a horse to water and make it drink (to steal a Chuck Norris joke).

Think you're getting a moment with Brad? Wrong!

Think you’re coming up here? Wrong!

Hinault: never one to hide his frustration via stevetilford.com

Hinault: never one to hide his frustration via stevetilford.com

For a self-confessed muso like Wiggins, listening to Leslie Garrett’s soprano of God Save the Queen must have been like to torture scene the Pink Panther – with the metal glove scraping down the blackboard.

Lesley Garrett punishes the crowds while Nabili regrets forgetting his ear defenders via zimbo.com

Lesley Garrett punishes the crowds while Nabili regrets forgetting his ear defenders via zimbo.com

Apparently the world of cycling is going to change in the UK following Brad’s win. Will London cab firm Addison Lee’s reverse their PR gaffe by sponsoring a London based pro cycling team comprised entirely of ex-messengers? Perhaps white van drivers will sport yellow flags fluttering from their vehicles and will give way to anyone on a bike [not just girls in short skirts]. Children will no longer aspire to be Wayne Rooney or Ronaldo, but instead they’ll be arguing “I’ll be Cav and you can be Wiggo and you [pointing at the grumpy kid who nobody likes] can be Froomy” as they re-enact the Champs Elysee in their street. Let’s wait and see.

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